For decades, I carried the crushing weight of a hidden struggle, believing I could control it, hide it, and somehow still be the man I wanted to be.
My story begins when I was just six years old.
My first exposure to explicit content.
What started as confusion grew into a private shame that shaped my teenage years, my marriage, and my faith.
I betrayed my wife, Rhyll, over and over again.
I came forward once.
Then twice.
Each time, I swore it would be different.
I didn’t yet understand the power of this compulsion, or the humility required to truly change.
But the third time, in 2005, God intervened.
I was arrested after picking up a prostitute.
The charges disappeared, but the guilt didn’t.
Three weeks later, in the quiet of the night, I hit my breaking point.
I got on my knees and told the truth, fully and finally.
I was willing to lose everything: my marriage, my church membership, my family, my reputation.
I just couldn’t live in darkness any longer.
That surrender changed everything.
I was excommunicated.
Rhyll stood at a crossroads.
She turned her hands to heaven and gave me to God.
And somehow, grace met us there.
Over the next 20 years, through rigorous honesty, therapy, 12-step work, and daily surrender to God, I rebuilt trust one choice at a time.
I learned that forgiveness comes from God, but trust must be earned.
Today, we use our pain for a purpose.
Together, Rhyll and I founded the SA Lifeline Foundation, created recovery resources, and served as missionaries in New Zealand, helping hundreds of young missionaries find freedom from compulsive behaviors and unwanted habits through faith and surrender.
What was once our greatest shame has become our greatest ministry.
If there’s one thing I know now, it’s this: when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change, God can turn even the darkest story into light.
I once lived in hiding.
Now, I live in recovery.
This is my come back.”
-Steven
Then twice.
Each time, I swore it would be different.
I didn’t yet understand the power of this compulsion, or the humility required to truly change.
But the third time, in 2005, God intervened.
I was arrested after picking up a prostitute.
The charges disappeared, but the guilt didn’t.
Three weeks later, in the quiet of the night, I hit my breaking point.
I got on my knees and told the truth, fully and finally.
I was willing to lose everything: my marriage, my church membership, my family, my reputation.
I just couldn’t live in darkness any longer.
That surrender changed everything.
I was excommunicated.
Rhyll stood at a crossroads.
She turned her hands to heaven and gave me to God.
And somehow, grace met us there.
Over the next 20 years, through rigorous honesty, therapy, 12-step work, and daily surrender to God, I rebuilt trust one choice at a time.
I learned that forgiveness comes from God, but trust must be earned.
Today, we use our pain for a purpose.
Together, Rhyll and I founded the SA Lifeline Foundation, created recovery resources, and served as missionaries in New Zealand, helping hundreds of young missionaries find freedom from compulsive behaviors and unwanted habits through faith and surrender.
What was once our greatest shame has become our greatest ministry.
If there’s one thing I know now, it’s this: when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change, God can turn even the darkest story into light.
I once lived in hiding.
Now, I live in recovery.
This is my come back.”
-Steven
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From Instagram come.back.podcast
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