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An original recording of this discourse is available at churchhistorianspress.org
(recording courtesy BYU Women’s Conference)
to hear the talk by Irina, click here
Brigham Young University Women’s Conference
N. Eldon Tanner Building,
Brigham Young University,
Provo, Utah
April 27, 2000
Irina Kratzer. 2017. Kratzer moved from Siberia to Utah, studied English and passed the U.S. medical board exams, joined the church, and married a man with three children in the space of a year (starting July 1997). She spoke at BYU Women’s Conference in April 2000.
Irina Valentinovna Kratzer (b. 1965) spent her first seven years in Kazan, Russia, with her physician parents, Minareta Kotova and Valentin Kotov. The family then moved to Barnaul, Siberia, where Kratzer went to medical school and became a cardiologist. Kratzer married a surgeon and had one daughter, Anastasia Davydova. Medicine was not a lucrative field; months would go by when the hospital did not distribute paychecks. After divorcing her abusive husband in 1996, Kratzer reported feeling exhausted and hopeless as she worked extra night shifts trying to support her mother and daughter on low wages. Sometimes Kratzer’s patients brought her thank-you gifts of milk or foodstuffs. She and her mother also grew food at her parents’ dacha, a small country house three hours away by bus and tram. Kratzer had been raised in a robustly atheist environment and did not believe in God. Nevertheless, one night she ventured a request: “All right, God, if you’re there, just let me know, because you probably don’t even care about me. Who am I to you, a little thing here trying to survive?”
A few weeks later, in August 1996, Kratzer met a man who would introduce her to the church and help her travel to the United States to study English. In the United States, Kratzer not only had to learn medical terminology in a second language, but she had to learn new technologies and different approaches to medicine. She took an exam preparation course and studied twelve hours a day for three months for the first of her four board exams; she was the only member of her class to pass the first exam. Eight months after her arrival in Utah, in April 1998, Irina married Tay Kratzer. Tay had three young children at the time of their marriage. Anastasia, Kratzer’s daughter, had stayed with her grandmother in Siberia, and the day after their wedding, the Kratzers filed the paperwork to bring Anastasia to Utah.
Following her marriage, Kratzer decided to discontinue the practice of medicine. She was a teacher in an Orem, Utah, Relief Society when she was invited to speak at the Brigham Young University Women’s Conference. Her husband helped her to edit the language in the following talk, which she wrote in English.
There was a time in my life when I was touched by love and the light of Christ. My life has since changed forever.
I know how it is to live without the gospel. I lived that way for thirty years. I was born in Russia of goodly parents. They gave me tender love and care and an opportunity to have a good education. They did their best for me to be happy. For most of my life, I lived in Siberia. When I grew up, I got married and gave birth to a lovely baby girl. Soon I successfully graduated from the university and got a job I really liked. And yet, regardless of everything, I was far from being happy.
From the beginning, my marriage did not seem to work and gradually fell apart. Economic situations in Russia were getting worse every day. I was hardly able to provide simple food for my daughter and me. I sinned. I made one wrong choice after another. Hunger, depression, and poor decisions made my life miserable. I was blaming bad fortune, not realizing that in many ways I was suffering the natural consequences of my sins. But how could I know that? Sin did not exist according to what I had been taught. Let me explain.
Religion in Russia was prohibited after the Communist Revolution in 1917. I was taught from kindergarten that there is no such thing as God and that only the Communist Party and Grandpa Lenin could bring happiness to the Russian people. Religious people were badly persecuted in our society. Believers lost their jobs, were not allowed to go to school, and were labeled “crazy.” Everybody was required to take atheism classes at the university, where we proved that God does not exist. Although over time socialism in our country collapsed, and communist ideology proved to be not viable, atheism still lived in people’s minds. It had deep roots in my mind also. I just did not think of God. Yet I felt pain in my heart about my poor choices. Later I would learn that the pain I felt was the Light of Christ giving me a sense of conscience to tell right from wrong. But society opposed my feelings of pain. In other people’s eyes, I was not doing anything particularly bad.
Elder M. Russell Ballard said: “The standards of the world have shifted like the sands of a wind-blown desert. That which was once unheard of or unacceptable is now commonplace.” That’s how I lived. If there is no God, there is no sin; if there is no sin, it is absolutely up to you what you do with your life. Enjoy it. Take advantage of it. Because when you are gone, everything else will be gone also.
In the Book of Mormon, I have read about this same philosophy taught by the anti-Christ, Korihor: there is “no atonement made for the sins of men, but every man fare[s] in this life according to the management of the creature; therefore every man prosper[s] according to his genius, and … every man conquer[s] according to his strength; and whatsoever a man [does is] no crime.”
This philosophy appealed to me at first, but after a while, life seemed to me like a dark tunnel with only the grave at the end. I felt I was slowly dying. It is written in the scriptures that men are to have joy. We came to this earth with the instinct to seek happiness, no matter where we live—in Russia, Africa, or blessed America. I did not know how to pray, so I dreamed. I am a big dreamer. I dreamed that one day I would run away from everything miserable in my life and would start again from the beginning—happy and bright. I wanted so much for my daughter to have a better life than I did. I dreamed about America. Somehow Russian people, and probably many other people in the world, associate America with a good life, success, and happiness.
Even when we do not know God’s ways, he knows our hearts and listens to our dreams. One day a retired American doctor came to visit my city in Siberia. His name was Dr. Woodmansee, and he was a Mormon from Utah. All I’d heard about Mormons was that they did not drink tea and coffee, and that seemed strange. I was assigned to show Dr. Woodmansee around the hospital where I worked. At the end of our fifteen-minute visit he asked me, “Would you come to America to continue your education if I helped you?” Later he told me that in coming to Russia he never planned to make such an offer, but he followed a sudden prompting of the Spirit.
After that, for ten long months I corresponded with Dr. Woodmansee as we arranged for my coming to America. His acquaintance, Brother Ray Beckett, helped us communicate through the Internet and proved to be the best LDS missionary I’ve ever known. Very often he shared his testimony with me. In one of his letters he promised me that my coming to America would change my life forever. He saw God’s hand in what was going on in my life. He also arranged to send my documents through the church mail system, so that I could pick them up at the Novosibirsk mission office in Siberia. That’s how I met the LDS missionaries, who gave me a Book of Mormon. I was not interested in reading this book and put it somewhere on the shelf. During my next visit to the Novosibirsk mission home, I was given an Ensign. I was trying to learn English at that time, so I was very glad to receive such a present. It would help me in my English studies. The first article I read was about how the Book of Mormon had changed the lives of so many people, bringing them happiness and peace. These stories intrigued me and I decided to look closer into this book.
That is how the Book of Mormon came into my life. I read one chapter every morning before I went to work. Reading this book, I learned that God lives, that Jesus is his Son, and that he came to this earth to help sinners like me. The more I read this book, the more I saw the gap between the teachings of Christ and the way I lived. I learned that was why my life was so miserable. I felt pain and I had a great desire to change.
In 1997, President Thomas S. Monson said: “The decision to change one’s life and come unto Christ is, perhaps, the most important decision of mortality. Such a dramatic change is taking place daily throughout the world.” At this time in my life, I received a new vision and understanding of life and could no longer live the way I had before. I was ready for a dramatic change. I will always remember the night in Russia when I cried the whole night through, realizing that my life was not good, that my poor decisions had hurt people I loved the most. It was the most painful experience of my life. I sobbed and pled the whole night, “Lord, please, help me!” By the end of the night I was exhausted and had no more tears. When the first morning light broke through, peace and relief came to me. I heard the words: “Here is my hand. I will lead you and guide you. But you have to promise me that you will change.” And I did; I promised. I wanted this guidance and help more than anything else.
Alma the Younger related a similar experience to his son Helaman:
But I was racked with eternal torment, for my soul was harrowed up to the greatest degree and racked with all my sins.
Yea, I did remember all my sins and iniquities, … and that I had not kept his holy commandments. …
And … while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.
Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.
And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.
And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!
Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.
I did not know, on that painful and joyous night in Russia, how great Christ’s promises are. I did not know then that in just a little while I would travel to America where I would learn more about the gospel, and I would soon be baptized. I did not know that in less than a year from that eventful night, I would marry a wonderful man with three beautiful little children, a man who is so precious to my heart now, and with whom I want to live forever. I did not know that my daughter would come to America to join us in happiness with our newly formed family. Oh, I did not know then how great his promises are.
Now I know how much every soul is important to God. For me to get baptized, he took me out of cold Siberia and put me in sunny Utah to warm up my heart with friendly and kind people. He gave me so many miracles that I did not have even a little chance to doubt his divine hand in my life. I agree with President Monson. The decision to get baptized was the most important decision in my life, and my conversion was the biggest miracle for me.
But what about after my baptism? Do miracles still happen? Yes, they do! The fact that I no longer live with pain but with joy is the miracle that I have now daily. Like everybody else, I have my up and down days, but I have found true happiness on this earth. I was looking for it for thirty years, but I searched in all the wrong places, following the directions of the world and not knowing the Spirit.
Many other miracles, small and great, have come about in my life. And what matters most is what I have learned from them. First, I have learned that almost every miracle I have experienced since my baptism has come as a result of prayer and effort. God requires effort and faith on our part. Second, I have learned that the faith and testimony we gain require constant nourishment. Daily scripture study helps us to do that. Without effort on our part, our testimonies will fade, and the feelings of joy will fade also. If we don’t go forward, we will go back. The third lesson I learned was that to receive daily miracles, we need to ask for them and then recognize them when they come. We recognize them not only to thank God, but to bring to our own awareness the ways in which God has blessed us. This process builds further faith.
Now in my dreams and in my letters, I return to Russia, to my friends, to people I love, and ask them: “Do you know who you are? Do you know where you come from? Please, listen. Listen to what I’ve learned.” The fire burns in my soul day and night. The fire of joy, the fire of love, the fire of gratitude. And I cannot be still. I need to tell the whole world what I know now. Once I was blind, and now I see. Once I lived in darkness, and now I live in the brightest light.
Walk with Christ! Hold onto his hand! Feast upon his word. Drink in his light with your every pore, with all your soul. In times of hardships, you won’t be left in a dark tunnel but in the light of his love with brighter light always ahead of you.
Follow her on Instagram - BEAUTY through NUTRITION
Click Here for post on Instagram where they explain this same letter copied below - from account The Legend of Zelph
Of which they took their info from this website:
I received an e-mail from a young man who expressed his discouragement at not being able to find many images of the Savior with teenagers. He noted that he had seen many paintings depicting Christ with loveable little children, but rarely had he found his age group represented in such a setting. This young man closed his message with these heartfelt words: “What about us?” Many of us have probably asked a similar question. What about me? Who doesn’t love little children with all their precious innocence and charm? But what about those of us that may not feel as lovable; those of us who may have struggled and lost our way, or who have wandered paths that have left us worn and doubting our worth? Thankfully, Christ’s love carries no conditions and is extended in full measure, especially to those who feel lost and forgotten.
Painting Symbology: The young man is dressed in dark clothing representing those dark clouds that at times weigh heavy on our souls and seems to cover the light that still shimmers inside us. The knapsack and bedroll remind us of the worldly burdens that we all carry around … fear, discouragement, pain, loneliness, sorrow, anger, hopelessness and on and on. The meandering path in the background symbolizes the twists and turns of life’s journey, some of which stretch us to our limit. Such was the case with Dan the young man I used as a model in this painting. Dan was a friend of our family whose path brought him to a place where he chose to leave this life and the clouds that must have surrounded him. Dan’s journey has made this painting all the more poignant for me as life imitates art. Wherever we are in our journey, the Lord is near. He will not force himself upon us, but simply waits for us to ask for his help. Unlike most of us, who have difficulty seeing beyond the outward view of that person on the bench, Christ sees the soul knows the heart and remains the ultimate Savior and friend.
by Greg Olsen
My husband and I weren’t always “my husband and I.” We both have very different pasts that only God could bring together. I grew up in the Church while Victor, my husband, grew up in the streets. I enjoyed playing sports, being involved in clubs at school, and spending time with friends and family. Victor enjoyed using drugs, being involved with women, and utilizing friends and family. By the time I graduated I’d gone to state track meets, been the Laurel class president, and had a boyfriend that was serving a mission. When Victor graduated, he’d gone to jail, was now a father, and had a mission to be on top. I grew up in Burley, Idaho. Victor grew up in Las Vegas, Nevada. So how did our paths collide?
A year after graduating high school I decided I needed to get out of Burley for a little while and decided to apply to be a nanny. I got a job in New Jersey with a wonderful family and spent the next year of my life learning and growing in all aspects of life, but mostly, I learned how to build a relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
The ward I attended was made up of mostly converts to the gospel and one day I heard a testimony of an investigator that changed my life forever. This man had just started missionary discussions and got up to bear his testimony of how true the Book of Mormon is and how it had changed his life. The Spirit was so strong, and I’d never heard such a powerful witness of the Book of Mormon. However, that spirit soon changed when he said the word “but.”
“But, the Doctrine and Covenants is not true” was the next thing out of his mouth, and everyone in the chapel was flabbergasted.
“Don’t just take my word for it, though. I encourage you all to go home and pray and find out for yourself that the Doctrine in Covenants is false.”
“Pray about the Doctrine and Covenants?” I thought to myself. “That’s something I’d never thought of before! And if I need to pray about the Doctrine and Covenants, shouldn’t I pray about the Bible, too?”
Growing up in the gospel I had never had these thoughts before and I couldn’t believe it. What else had I been missing while going to church all these years? So I decided that from then on, I was really going to start paying closer attention to the things I heard on a regular basis at church and try to grow my testimony.
After I did that, I truly started to see how the gospel and the Atonement changed people’s lives and how it was changing mine! I watched as people let Christ change their lives from being members of a gang to members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and finally gained my own testimony that this Church is true.
From the age of 10, Victor grew up in the streets of Las Vegas, Nevada. His mom worked hard to keep food on the table, but as a result, she wasn’t home much. This left Victor and his sisters to fend for themselves and really learn the ways of the world. He started smoking, doing drugs, selling drugs, drinking, being promiscuous, and stealing in his teenage years. By the time he had turned 18 he had fathered a son, was on the fast-track to jail, and was living a life far from anything I could’ve ever imagined.
A few years later, after having another son and a set of twins, Victor landed himself in prison with a two-and-a-half- to five-year sentence.
While being locked up, Victor started to move up the “ranks” and soon found himself doing all the dirty work around the prison for his “clique.” One day, after he had completed another task, he was told he could receive his prison tattoos, so they tattooed his arm from shoulder to wrist.
While they were doing it, Victor started to think, “Is this really the life I want to live? Being stuck in prison my whole life? What kind of example am I setting for my sons? Will I ever get to see my sons again? Will I ever get to see my family again? Do I really want to become this kind of person?”
He realized that he was scared. Not of anyone else but of who he was becoming and what he would become if he continued down this path. That night he said his first prayer that went something like this; “My mother’s God, I don’t know if you’re there, but if you are, I need to ask for your help. If you will keep me safe and out of harms way for the rest of my sentence, I promise that I won’t go back to the lifestyle I’ve been living. I promise I won’t go back to the abusive relationship I was in, and I promise my faith in you will never shake.”
A short time later Victor was told he was moving to a new place where he would be able to “rest” and not have to be involved in dirty work anymore. Victor knew God was there and that he had to now hold up his end of the deal.
When Victor got out of prison, he moved to Burley, Idaho, where his mother had moved. While he was working for a construction company, there was a pesky 18-year-old kid who wanted to be Victor’s friend.
Victor wasn’t interested and thought, “What can an 18-year-old kid who has no life experience do for me?”
Day after day, this kid would approach Victor asking him if he wanted to go to church, FHE, church basketball, etc., and every day, Victor would shoot him down. And every night, Victor would go home and pray, “God, what do you want me to do? How do I keep up my end of the deal?” And every day, Victor would get invited to another activity.
It took Victor a little while to realize that this kid was the answer to his prayer and that he needed to give him a chance. So, one day when he was asked if he wanted to go to “Feed the Flock” for FHE, Victor said sure. “Ya’ll gonna go feed the geese or something?” he asked.
From that time on, despite his tattoos, his eyebrow piercing, his gauges, and the scent of smoke that followed him, he was accepted into the singles ward. Not long after he started going to activities, he started meeting with the missionaries and had a baptismal date set for March 9, 2013.
Minutes before Victor was to get baptized, he looked in the mirror and saw his gauges still sitting in his ears. He realized that if he truly wanted to change and have a fresh start, he needed to let go of all of his past. So he took out his gauges and walked into the water. As soon as he arose from the water, he said, “Now get me out of this filthy water!” And he’s never looked back since.
Victor and I first met about eight months after he got baptized when he shared his story in my singles ward’s sacrament meeting. It had been years since I’d been home from New Jersey and hadn’t heard a story like his in a long time, so I approached him after and simply told him, “Thank you.”
We became great friends over the next few weeks. When he asked me out on a date my mom asked me if I saw a future and I assured her that we were just friends. Six months later, Victor proposed and we were sealed in the Idaho Falls temple on September 12, 2014.
That day I didn’t just become a wife, I became a stepmom to four awesome boys. I was pretty nervous to take on that title not because I didn’t want to be a mom, but I was worried what people would think. “A 22-year-old with four stepkids! What was she thinking?” “He’s a felon and an addict!” “Is she sure about what she’s doing?” “Has he really changed, or will he fall away?”
All these comments and more have been made since we’ve been married and it’s been hard. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried after hearing comments about how Victor shouldn’t be at church because he has tattoos or how Mexicans shouldn’t marry white people or how he will fall back into addiction. But despite all of the negativity, we’ve never once felt alone or felt like we weren’t accepted by those who truly understand the Atonement. Despite the negative comments, there has always been an opportunity to share the gospel with those who don’t yet understand how real the Atonement is.
Because of Victor’s past, I have four beautiful boys to be a mom to while we’ve been struggling to have kids of our own, we’ve had opportunities to share the gospel and give hope to those struggling with addiction and their families, we’ve been able to grow and learn from different perspectives because we were both raised so differently, we’ve been able to let God be the head of our marriage and guide us in the directions He wants us to go, and we’ve been able to see miracles as we continually convert to the gospel every day.
I’ve often told myself that I didn’t choose an easy life, but I did choose the life I want. Not just the life I want on this earth, but the life I want forever. I want to be with someone who will help me grow and become a better me. I want to always remember that this life isn’t about getting to the end but about growing and learning and becoming like our Father in Heaven. Jesus Christ came to this earth and showed us that life was not supposed to be easy and that hard things would happen. He showed us how to love, to teach, to learn, and how to face even the hardest of trials.
My life is nowhere close to where I thought it would be or where others told me it should be. Growing up I was taught to marry a returned missionary. No one ever told me that my returned missionary would be a man that went on a “mission” to sell drugs and “returned” from prison to be a better man. No one told me that I would have a family of six the day I got married. No one told me that it was okay to marry someone with tattoos. No one can tell you what your future holds or how you need to live your life. The Lord has a plan for each one of us that only He can prepare you for. Don’t let the influence of others stand in the way of receiving personal revelation from the One who knows you best. I know that the Atonement of Jesus Christ is real and that He not only provided it for us to use, but He also showed us how to use it. I know that the Lord doesn’t give us any challenge He can’t help us learn from. I know that learning is the only way to become like Him. I know that my life isn’t the way I planned. I know it’s even better!
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